Worry

              Isn't that the truth! I've heard it said that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair... there is alot of movement but you don't get anywhere! Worrying can also cloud your mind with all sort of nasty "What ifs" that hinder real solutions.                                                

Smile! You don't own all the problems in the world.

7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.


     Well, that's a relief! Sometimes our problems seem to loom so large that they do feel like the proverbial "weight of the world" is our responsibility.  It helps to try to get a different perspective. Maybe a conversation with a trusted friend is all you need, Perhaps just a few quiet moments of reflection will support you. Prayer and meditation is a time honored tradition that helps you see things in a broader light. Smiling may or may not make you feel better but I think the point of this tip is that even in the midst of chaos, we can find something to be grateful for if we just stop and realize that everyone has problems. It's not what is happening to us but how we react to those people and events. It's not always easy to pull out a granule of positive thinking when life is overwhelming but I do know just a small shift in thinking can make a big difference in the course of life events. Hope your day gives you something to smile about!


                                                 

When learning is needed the answers will come!

6. Stop thinking so much. It's okay not to have all the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.

I really like this one. Our rational mind can go into overdrive when we are trying to solve a problem which can overwhelm our intuitive senses. Sometimes a difficult issue can become more tangled the harder we try to push for an answer in our time frame. I know it can sound counterproductive and counterintuitive to put our best thinking aside for a little while, but really... try to give it a rest and see what happens. In my experience most things that are important are not urgent and most things that are urgent are not important. The important things may take a little time to simmer so information can come to you from everywhere. Consider the many sources available; Maybe something you read, perhaps a conversation with a friend or stranger, or you just "know." Trust that the answers will be there when you need them.

Another take on the buddhist proverb, When the student is ready, the teacher will come, could be
when learning is needed, the answers will come. So do your due diligence, keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready for your answer when you least expect it!


                                                         

Relax and trust the process

Comparisons

5. Don't compare your life to others, and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is about.

     This statement is another favorite of mine. How easy is it to compare ourselves to others? Too easy! There are many well known sayings that embody this idea --- "The grass is always greener on the other side; Don't judge a book by its cover; Comparison is the death of joy" -- Just to remind us of a few.

        The suggestion not to compare ourselves to others is some wise advice but the second sentence gets to the heart of the matter for me. I started thinking about everyone I knew, both close friends and acquaintances. Upon reflection, there wasn't one person or family that didn't struggle with some sort of problem. Some seemed way worse than mine and I'm sure my life obstacles and experiences may seem monumental to someone else. The point being, everyone is faced with some challenge. Unless they are close friends, we are probably clueless about what those entail. It helps me to understand this in most interactions with others. If they seem short with me or unhappy, it is almost exclusively due to what is happening in their lives and not a personal attack. That knowledge is a pathway to feeling compassion for everyone. Our common experience of facing challenges bonds us together as humanity.


     Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
                                                                          Plato

Happiness

4. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

     This statement is another interesting thought to ponder. How often have I looked to someone else to make me happy. I don't have to like what another person is doing but with some practice I can view their behavior as their issue, because the reality is someone else's thoughts and deeds are really their own business. Hmmm... you might be thinking, yeah, sure but what if their actions affect me? Good point, but you always have a choice. It was wonderful when I discovered I had the ability to choose my thoughts and actions. If someone was making me unhappy I would reluctantly look at myself first. What was I choosing to believe was true about the person or situation? How could I change myself, not the person. Did I have the ability to change the situation? If so, what was I waiting for? There is a wonderful variation of the well known 12 Step Serenity prayer that I love when I get myself into a twirl about what someone else may be doing or not doing.


       God, grant me the serenity to accept the person I cannot change
     The courage to change the one I can
     And the wisdom to know it's me.

I chuckle every time I hear or read that. I really do have so many choices to make myself happy. I've learned that depending on anyone else to do that job will probably end in disappointment. Besides, no one else is going to do nearly as good a job as you will do in making sure you are happy! Enjoy your day.
      

                                  

Happiness truly is in your hands

   

Time heals

3. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

   
       I know I've heard this bit of wisdom my entire life and have accepted it as true. Life offers many experiences so I don't want to offend anyone who has suffered a tragic loss with a cliche' about changing your thoughts or just "giving it time".  I did see a beautiful post on Facebook today. "The only people who think there's a time limit for grief, have never lost a piece of their heart. Take all the time you need. No rule book. No time frame. No judgements. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint. Do what is right for your soul."

That being said, in most instances, time really is our friend ( if we embrace it) as it allows us to see things from a different perspective. When we are in the midst of turmoil, disappointment or unmet expectations it can be very difficult to put a rosy spin on the situation but with practice and commitment we can change our views to allow for a bigger perception of things.  Time also offers distance from the troubling event so it's not so raw as well as enabling us a period of growth.

     In my experience when I give something a few weeks, days or hours to just be, often the circumstance isn't nearly as troubling. A recent encounter was an example about how time can work its magic. I was with my daughter when I ran into a past neighbor I hadn't seen in about 25 years. Her interactions with me and my family had always been an enigma. I couldn't understand how she could be so angry and hateful to us. It was very hurtful and even though I loved our home, it tainted my experience of the neighborhood. We moved a couple of years later and raised our family a short distance away in a home we've enjoyed for 24 years. While on an errand,  I immediately recognized this person and extended a friendly greeting introducing my daughter (now an adult.) We exchanged pleasantries and went about our business. As we were walking to the car my daughter surprised me with her comment, "Wasn't that the woman who was so mean?" I could hardly believe she remembered her. She was only 5 or 6 when we lived there.

     The point of this example is that time did heal. I was pleased to see this woman and even happier that I felt no ill feelings. I had changed my thoughts many years ago. Whatever she was projecting onto me had nothing to do with me and more to do with what was going on with her at that point in her life.
Time had allowed me a period of reflection, growth and perspective. Maybe this life pointer is akin to the saying, "This too shall pass." Enjoy your day!


                                                   

What other people think

2. What other people think of you is none of your business.


     Wow, that's a tough one. We are programmed from birth to pay attention to what other people think. In it's unblemished form, others' opinions framed, formed and informed us. In essence, we learned much about the world, what was socially acceptable behavior and what others had experienced.
We can still glean much from other people but this life tip suggests that we need to outgrow our need for someone else's approval. (Unless, of course, we've asked for an opinion.)

 It is interesting to me that we will take something someone says about us and believe it- even when it's not true! Take for instance, this example: You have curly black hair and you learn that someone made a disparaging comment about your straight red hair. Chances are you would laugh and wonder what was wrong with that person. Why? Because you KNOW your hair is black and curly. That's the kind of confidence and security about yourself that no opinion can alter. Get to know yourself so you can stay in your own business and not worry about another's!

Make peace with your past

1. Make peace with your past, 
    So it doesn't disturb your present.

   

     Sounds pretty reasonable. As with most things that are worth doing, making peace with your past can sometimes be a difficult task. Maybe humans are hoarders at their core. We love to hang onto things whether it be material items, righteous beliefs, lost loves or hurt feelings. You name it, some things are just impossible to let go.

     If something is disturbing my present ( peace of mind) I know it is time to evaluate its source.  When I am hurt or angry, I'm usually focusing on the past. Fear is a projection into the future of the dreaded "What if" but that is a discussion for another day. What happened in the past is gone, meaning you can't change the event. You can, however, change your thoughts about what occurred and in the process clear out room in your head so you can be in the present.  Again, changing your thoughts requires work and may take more than one attempt but it is worth the effort.

     An example might be a regret you have over something done or something left undone. If you find yourself obsessing about what might have been, you are missing the here and now. For the most part, everyone is doing the best they can with the information and circumstances they have at the time. Think about it, you did too! It's time to let go of past events that can still create negative waves in your life. Move on. Learn from the past and love the present!


                                                                           

   

Life Rules... seven thoughts to ponder

                                Seven thoughts to ponder....

1. Make peace with your past. (so it doesn't disturb your present)
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything. (give it time)
4. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
5. Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them, you
    have know idea what their journey is about.
6. Stop thinking too much. It's okay not to know all the answers.
    They will come to you when you least expect it.
7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.

Inspirational Quotes... Success and Failure

I subscribe to InspirationalDaily.com which provides me with a daily quote. The topic may not pinpoint my current issue or interest but for the most part it leaves me with an idea to ponder.  Think about his one...

                      Faith is daring to put your dream to the test.
               It is better to try to do something and fail than 
               to try to do nothing and succeed.
                                            -Robert H. Schuller



If you would like to subscribe to some daily inspiration, click on the link above. And remember... Why not go for your dream? See you out of your comfort zone!

Life is Short!

I love this! Life is full of ups and downs but how wonderful it is to enjoy some of the things we can control. Hope you are loving life.

Simplify your life for the New Year

Hope everyone had a joyous holiday season.  Now is the time to start solidifying those great ideas for 2014 resolutions. Jumpstarting motivation to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep are always top priorities but I want to simplify my life. I'm always trying to "declutter" so that is only part of what I'm trying to accomplish. Some thoughts on a poster caught my attention and I have paraphrased it below. You can add your own thoughts....


                                                    SIMPLIFY

          *  If you miss someone... Call
          *  If you have a question... Ask
          *  Want to meet up... Invite
          *  Want to be understood... Explain
          *  Want something... Ask for it
          *  Don't like something... Say it
          *  Like something... State it
          *  Love someone... Tell them

Seems like a good idea. Simple, clean, honest and real. Of course, words should always be kind and gentle and always guided by discernment. Have a very Happy New Year.

          

Rejection

REJECTION

At first blush, Rejection is not a topic for an optimism blog! The truth is if you are alive, you have experienced many forms of rejection during your lifetime. I read an optimistic take on it today and it did make me stop and think... How does this read for you?

Rejection: God's protection

 I was thinking about a decision I made years ago. As a result of my decision,  I experienced a pretty substantial rejection. For some reason, it recently crossed my mind. My initial reaction was to re-experience the negative feelings of the rejection but my defense mechanism kicked into gear... I told myself it was probably good that things worked out the way they did. I don't think I really believed it until now. After giving it some thought, I really was protected by that particular rejection. Protected in so many ways. The new reading of Rejection really rings true for me. Maybe you can remember a powerful rejection that ended up being divine protection.

Maya Angelou.... Do the best you can.

I can relate to this thought lately. If I think about it, everyone is really doing the best that they can with the information they have. Delving a little deeper, it is not only the information I have but the mental, spiritual and emotional place I inhabit that determines my best at the time. When there is change in any of those areas, the choices you or I make may be different depending upon growth or lack thereof. If I am frustrated with someone or something, it helps me to remember that just as I am doing the best I am capable of doing at the time, so is everyone else. Maybe that is what is meant by "Judge Not." Tolerance and compassion flow more freely also. As a bonus, it is never wrong to apologize for something I've done in a less "knowledgeable" state of mind. Enjoy your day!

Accept What Is

I have to admit I get really tired of the phrase "It is what it is." While that may be true, it can be annoying at times. Just because it "IS" doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, "It" doesn't care what my feelings are. If I take the time to contemplate why I'm unhappy with a situation, I usually find that it is not the situation that is bothersome, it is my thoughts about it that are upsetting me.

An example of how my thoughts can manipulate my feelings might go like this: It is raining outside. If I have just planted an Oak tree, I am delighted with Nature's help. If I have planned an outdoor birthday party for 20 six year olds,  I am not excited about the rain. Clearly it is not the rain that is the problem or the solution, it is my thoughts about the rain.

Part of "accepting what is"for me is to just acknowledge it without assigning a judgement.  (As in the rain.) When I'm able to do this, I free my mind to find a solution if one is needed because I'm dealing in fact instead of emotion. I recognize that this may be easier to do with some things than with others but it is a good starting point. Letting go of "what was or even what could have been" is also crucial. If I am holding on to something I leave no room for "what will be." In my experience, the "What Will Be" is full of unlimited potential! Enjoy your day!

Love

12.  Love

The final suggestion in the 12 steps to self care: Love. Love as a verb. I may not "feel" the warm and fuzzy associated with infatuation with someone or something but I can choose to love. Sometimes I have to really contemplate what that looks like. When people and events are going as I interpret as "good", love is a breeze. If the circumstances are difficult, then love seems more difficult. At times the easiest thing is not the most loving thing. For example, it may be easier to "swoop in" and clean up someone else's mess than to endure the fallout, but is it the most loving thing in the long run?

Maybe the bottom line is you get back what you give so a valuable "self care" step IS to love. What do you think?

Stay away from drama and negativity

11. Stay away from drama and negativity

Seems pretty basic. Who wants to be involved in drama? Hmmm.... sometimes we are drawn to it like moths to light.  Everyone knows someone who they deem a "drama queen. "  Some people seem to thrive on the chaos. This has never been a difficult suggestion for me.  Even the times turmoil and drama seemed interesting, it was always a huge energy drainer. The same is true for negativity. Notice how you feel around certain people. Do they leave you feeling happy and positive or are you weakened by your interaction? If I am obligated to be around a "Debbie or Donnie Downer" I remind myself not to absorb their energy. I can and will be polite and cordial, however, a well timed "You might be right" is always a negativity diffuser. Bottom line is... life is too short for drama and negativity!

Let Go of what you can't control

10. Let go of what you can't control

Ok, done! I wish it were that easy for me. For some reason I have this little voice that tells me (erroneously) that I do have control. The truth is the only thing I can control is me. I can control my thoughts (with practice) how I choose to react and then my behavior. Other than that, I really don't have any control over anything! The more I try to hold on to what is not in my power to control, the more difficult my life becomes. I've heard it said there are three kinds of business: God's business, someone else's business and my business. The trick is to stay busy with my business and to let go of everything else!
 I love this deviation of the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to let go of what I cannot control,
The courage to control what I can
And the wisdom to know it's me!

Be kind to yourself

9. Be kind to yourself

Seems intuitive and self explanatory but what does being kind to yourself really mean? Eat right, exercise and get plenty of sleep are the tried and true standbys. No one will argue that following those three precepts are the basis of taking care of yourself. But let's expand that thought. Define your style of kindness. If you were being kind to someone, what would that look like? Maybe a smile for a stranger. Make it a smile for yourself. A helping hand? Give yourself a helping hand if you are struggling with something by seeking some support. Don't judge yourself (or others) if you make a mistake. The truth is we all make so many mistakes that there must be a great reason for our missteps!

Another important aspect of being kind to yourself is make sure you spend some time doing what you like to do. Only you know what recharges you. If you don't know (and that happens sometimes) be sure and explore those areas. Discard what no longer serves you and try things you think may interest you. The world is your playground. Let the games begin but keep yourself surrounded in kindess!

Don't be afraid to say yes

8. Don't be afraid to say YES

Love this one. I'm expanding my comments here from  saying yes to favors, social events or other daily happenings to saying yes to venture outside your comfort zone occasionally.  It can be a little intimidating and maybe even frightening but the rewards are great. All sorts of adventures, experiences and growth lie outside of the comfort realm. Just think about it! (PS, Thanks for checking my blog Fauzia!)