Maya Angelou.... Do the best you can.

I can relate to this thought lately. If I think about it, everyone is really doing the best that they can with the information they have. Delving a little deeper, it is not only the information I have but the mental, spiritual and emotional place I inhabit that determines my best at the time. When there is change in any of those areas, the choices you or I make may be different depending upon growth or lack thereof. If I am frustrated with someone or something, it helps me to remember that just as I am doing the best I am capable of doing at the time, so is everyone else. Maybe that is what is meant by "Judge Not." Tolerance and compassion flow more freely also. As a bonus, it is never wrong to apologize for something I've done in a less "knowledgeable" state of mind. Enjoy your day!

Accept What Is

I have to admit I get really tired of the phrase "It is what it is." While that may be true, it can be annoying at times. Just because it "IS" doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, "It" doesn't care what my feelings are. If I take the time to contemplate why I'm unhappy with a situation, I usually find that it is not the situation that is bothersome, it is my thoughts about it that are upsetting me.

An example of how my thoughts can manipulate my feelings might go like this: It is raining outside. If I have just planted an Oak tree, I am delighted with Nature's help. If I have planned an outdoor birthday party for 20 six year olds,  I am not excited about the rain. Clearly it is not the rain that is the problem or the solution, it is my thoughts about the rain.

Part of "accepting what is"for me is to just acknowledge it without assigning a judgement.  (As in the rain.) When I'm able to do this, I free my mind to find a solution if one is needed because I'm dealing in fact instead of emotion. I recognize that this may be easier to do with some things than with others but it is a good starting point. Letting go of "what was or even what could have been" is also crucial. If I am holding on to something I leave no room for "what will be." In my experience, the "What Will Be" is full of unlimited potential! Enjoy your day!

Love

12.  Love

The final suggestion in the 12 steps to self care: Love. Love as a verb. I may not "feel" the warm and fuzzy associated with infatuation with someone or something but I can choose to love. Sometimes I have to really contemplate what that looks like. When people and events are going as I interpret as "good", love is a breeze. If the circumstances are difficult, then love seems more difficult. At times the easiest thing is not the most loving thing. For example, it may be easier to "swoop in" and clean up someone else's mess than to endure the fallout, but is it the most loving thing in the long run?

Maybe the bottom line is you get back what you give so a valuable "self care" step IS to love. What do you think?

Stay away from drama and negativity

11. Stay away from drama and negativity

Seems pretty basic. Who wants to be involved in drama? Hmmm.... sometimes we are drawn to it like moths to light.  Everyone knows someone who they deem a "drama queen. "  Some people seem to thrive on the chaos. This has never been a difficult suggestion for me.  Even the times turmoil and drama seemed interesting, it was always a huge energy drainer. The same is true for negativity. Notice how you feel around certain people. Do they leave you feeling happy and positive or are you weakened by your interaction? If I am obligated to be around a "Debbie or Donnie Downer" I remind myself not to absorb their energy. I can and will be polite and cordial, however, a well timed "You might be right" is always a negativity diffuser. Bottom line is... life is too short for drama and negativity!

Let Go of what you can't control

10. Let go of what you can't control

Ok, done! I wish it were that easy for me. For some reason I have this little voice that tells me (erroneously) that I do have control. The truth is the only thing I can control is me. I can control my thoughts (with practice) how I choose to react and then my behavior. Other than that, I really don't have any control over anything! The more I try to hold on to what is not in my power to control, the more difficult my life becomes. I've heard it said there are three kinds of business: God's business, someone else's business and my business. The trick is to stay busy with my business and to let go of everything else!
 I love this deviation of the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to let go of what I cannot control,
The courage to control what I can
And the wisdom to know it's me!

Be kind to yourself

9. Be kind to yourself

Seems intuitive and self explanatory but what does being kind to yourself really mean? Eat right, exercise and get plenty of sleep are the tried and true standbys. No one will argue that following those three precepts are the basis of taking care of yourself. But let's expand that thought. Define your style of kindness. If you were being kind to someone, what would that look like? Maybe a smile for a stranger. Make it a smile for yourself. A helping hand? Give yourself a helping hand if you are struggling with something by seeking some support. Don't judge yourself (or others) if you make a mistake. The truth is we all make so many mistakes that there must be a great reason for our missteps!

Another important aspect of being kind to yourself is make sure you spend some time doing what you like to do. Only you know what recharges you. If you don't know (and that happens sometimes) be sure and explore those areas. Discard what no longer serves you and try things you think may interest you. The world is your playground. Let the games begin but keep yourself surrounded in kindess!

Don't be afraid to say yes

8. Don't be afraid to say YES

Love this one. I'm expanding my comments here from  saying yes to favors, social events or other daily happenings to saying yes to venture outside your comfort zone occasionally.  It can be a little intimidating and maybe even frightening but the rewards are great. All sorts of adventures, experiences and growth lie outside of the comfort realm. Just think about it! (PS, Thanks for checking my blog Fauzia!)